Dear Detroit City Council:
Close the zoo. Detroit can't afford to keep animals, especially when its mostly rich white folks who go. Already did Belle Isle, the other shoe has to drop sometime.
Kill the Detroit Historical society. Who cares about the old days of Detroit? Not much of that is left anymore, anyway.
Then, close the DIA. Mostly rich white people go there, too, and look at art made by dead white people.
Close the DSO, if you can. They play mostly dead white man's music, and native Detroiters can't afford to get tickets anyway.
You should close the Charles Wright Museum of African History. Not many Detroiters go there, who has money for history, when the city is in debt?
Close the Science Center. Mostly suburban schoolkids go there, anyway.
Cancel the fireworks. Who can afford fireworks, when the garbage isn't being picked up? Let Windsor fire off fireworks, if they want, we'll watch from our side.
Culture is important, but what can you do? You have to pay the bills. You can't lose control of any part of the city, it would look weak. Can't let the suburbs be in control.
At least you didn't sell out! At least you didn't privatize anything. so your public employee unions can keep voting you into office.
Gotta keep the priorities straight.