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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

FrankJ on Taxes

My favorite humor blogger, FrankJ, posts on taxes. A few selected items:


* Taxes strike violently without notice at the exact same time each year.

* A lot of people get excited when they get some of the money back that the government had been taking from their paychecks all year; this is a bit like if there was a robber who kept breaking in and stealing your stuff each week, and you got all excited when, after a year, he brings back your T.V.

* There's a place on the tax form where you can declare all your illegal earnings. I think that's a trick.

* It is illegal to kill an I.R.S. agent and constitutes a huge fine - but the fine is tax deductible.

* The I.R.S. headquarters is a cursed place built on an ancient Indian burial ground. It's filled with spirits, but they barely ever make any disturbances since most are trying to hide from the death tax.

* In a fight between Aquaman and taxes, the I.R.S. would seize Aquaman's kingdom in Atlantis and put it up for auction. It would then be bought by his arch nemesis - BLACK MANTA!!!

* The government takes money out of each paycheck because, if once a year everyone actually had to write a check for their income tax, there would be a huge riot. I want all my money each paycheck and a cool riot!

* Taxes attack without mercy or remorse. They cannot be stopped by bullets or fire.

* Taxes are so unstoppable and attack so swiftly, they cannot even be dodged by a ninja!

* The best way to avoid taxes is being a hobo... though certain high-trafficked bloggers may try to murder you.

* If taxes are after you, don't try praying to God for help because He's currently dodging omnipotence tax.

* When Jesus was asked about taxes, He said, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's." Now, he'd probably just avoid Caesar altogether through some non-profit organization.

* The tax code is the largest, most complex set of written material in the history of the universe. At its current rate of growth, it will block out the sun by 2067 and plunge us into eternal winter. On the other hand, there will be a few new deductions for mortgage interest.

* Democrats like taxes, but claim they only want to tax the rich (that's how income tax started). If you see a Democrat, lock him in a crate and throw it in the sea so he won't raise your taxes.

Heh. More here.


Anonymous said...

So, you don't believe in society?
You beleive in the laws of the jungle?

WHO is going to pay for the roads; police, fire, emergeny crews; military; war on terror, protect our boarders?

You are the typical spoiled generation, I want all the services but don't ask me to pay for my share.

The republicans don't give a sh*t about you, they only want to pay less taxes for them.

You are a traitor to the USA

The Auto Prophet said...

You have no sense of humor.

You can't spell ("borders").

I'm a traitor because I like to poke fun at taxes? Huh?

The Auto Prophet said...

P.S. If you love taxes so much, will you pay mine, in addition to yours?

Anonymous said...

Oh how original.
Oh yes let me pay your taxes you bum.

You probably let your grandmother pay for your Sunday dinner as well with her SS check.

Poke fun at taxes my *ss, you're still just a spoiled brat from a spoiled gerneration who feels they should get everything for free.

Also, so I misspelled borders, that makes you the better person?

I am so sick of people say the government is evil. The governemnet is a tool, it can be useful or it can be distructive.

The Auto Prophet said...

You are not making any sense. Did your prescription run out?

Spoiled brat? I am advocating less taxes and smaller government. I am in favor of privatizing the Social Security Ponzi Scheme, er, I mean, program.

I don't want things for free--I want less. And I worked hard for everything I have.

If you can't spell, you are no less of a person. We are all created equal, in God's image. But you may be illiterate.

The government is not necessarily evil, but it really can get in the way.

Anonymous said...

Well if you want less government, then move to the an island in the Caribbean.

Again, less what, military, roads, police, fire, roads etc.

We hand the reconstruction area in the 1870's not decontruction of 2000s.