FrankJ on Taxes

My favorite humor blogger, FrankJ, posts on taxes. A few selected items:

FUN FACTS ABOUT TAXES

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* Taxes strike violently without notice at the exact same time each year.

* A lot of people get excited when they get some of the money back that the government had been taking from their paychecks all year; this is a bit like if there was a robber who kept breaking in and stealing your stuff each week, and you got all excited when, after a year, he brings back your T.V.

* There's a place on the tax form where you can declare all your illegal earnings. I think that's a trick.

* It is illegal to kill an I.R.S. agent and constitutes a huge fine - but the fine is tax deductible.

* The I.R.S. headquarters is a cursed place built on an ancient Indian burial ground. It's filled with spirits, but they barely ever make any disturbances since most are trying to hide from the death tax.

* In a fight between Aquaman and taxes, the I.R.S. would seize Aquaman's kingdom in Atlantis and put it up for auction. It would then be bought by his arch nemesis - BLACK MANTA!!!

* The government takes money out of each paycheck because, if once a year everyone actually had to write a check for their income tax, there would be a huge riot. I want all my money each paycheck and a cool riot!

* Taxes attack without mercy or remorse. They cannot be stopped by bullets or fire.

* Taxes are so unstoppable and attack so swiftly, they cannot even be dodged by a ninja!

* The best way to avoid taxes is being a hobo... though certain high-trafficked bloggers may try to murder you.

* If taxes are after you, don't try praying to God for help because He's currently dodging omnipotence tax.

* When Jesus was asked about taxes, He said, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's." Now, he'd probably just avoid Caesar altogether through some non-profit organization.

* The tax code is the largest, most complex set of written material in the history of the universe. At its current rate of growth, it will block out the sun by 2067 and plunge us into eternal winter. On the other hand, there will be a few new deductions for mortgage interest.

* Democrats like taxes, but claim they only want to tax the rich (that's how income tax started). If you see a Democrat, lock him in a crate and throw it in the sea so he won't raise your taxes.

Heh. More here.